The iPhone X, released Nov. 3, is the perfect phone for all your money-wasting needs (only one grand!)

Featuring all-new outdated and ineffective features such as no home button, terribly programmed face recognition which can be fooled by a high-resolution picture and now plated with the most ‘durable’ material available: glass. Do you love being one of those preteens who trust Apple with their heart and soul and break their phone within 2 milliseconds of purchasing it? Now you can.

The phone now features a screen that covers the phone. So innovative. Apple was so proud of it that they decided to put a completely unnecessary lip on it just to cancel out the greatness of the invention a bit.
Apple also made the new iPhone X smaller which then makes the phone slightly less comfortable to hold in your hand or shove in your pocket.

(Okay, this next new ‘innovation’ to the iPhone is so annoying too that I cannot even keep up this sarcastic attitude anymore). Animojis. After all of the requests for a fully compatible charger port and three-way Facetime. We get….face puppets. Appealing to the younger generation is now the only drive for Apple to release any product at all, apparently.

Alright, well, here it is, folks: The iPhone X. May I remind you that the X actually means 10, it is just that Apple (as well as Microsoft) has a strange habit of skipping the number nine in model and software series. I am unsure why companies do this, but it is more than a little agitating.

But, despite all these useless add-ons and ridiculous prices for them, people will still buy product. Even if the phone is reliable enough for about two years before the battery swells and dies.

If there is any suggestion I can give you at all, it is to save some time, money, and battery life (and also literal pocket space) and get an Android.